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waiting to write

February 27, 2013

last night I took my aging laptop away from it’s power source and we went to sit together in ‘the other room’. that is a risky busine removing the old guy from his juice, but the draw was powerful.. DD was staying over as a result of snow, Indiana was playing Minnesota and NCIS was revealing a new episode. AND, DD had promised to show me how to use Google Reader to ‘manage’ my blog. the stakes were high but seemingly worthwhile..

A few lovely hours were spent, until.. the dreaded black screen, no warning, no waning, just done. Over. Out of juice… Sigh. Respectfully I carried the 7# behemouth back to the cord and plugged in. he would have hours to recover and revive before being needed to assess the weather and open Just Fuffy.

I don’t know whether it was age or attitude, however the old guy was having none of it.. for nearly one entire hour he has futzed and putzed and stalled and resisted before grudgingly opening his hard heart to my morning discipline, writing Just Fuffy.

Sipping coffee, worrying a little about the hard packed snow at the end of the driveway, wondering about the roads and the intelligence of going to the gym early, the time has passed.

Almost four weeks into daily writing there is anticipation and tension each day. Anticipation because, for the most part, I like what I have written. Tension because I do not know what I am going to write today. Scanning my mind, there is no dearth of thoughts or ideas, yet just four weeks in, I discover I am pre judging my thoughts.. will this work, be good enough for ‘my readers’ or plunge me back into single digit followership?

Writing a blog, begain on a whim with one blog post last July, followed by months of fallow space and then an almost spontaneous decision to follow through on a long deferred goal, to write every day. to write for me. to see what writing felt like, looked like. To explore the discipline of extracting ideas, thoughts and applying them to ‘paper’. Readers were not part of that process. this was for me.

Being read is fun, going to visit the bloggers of those who push the like buttom is instructive, fascinating and the source of burgeoning insecurity. what am I thinking? Me, write? Who am I to put myself in a category titled writer? No credentials other than editor of my high school newspaper, graduating class of 86 students, 40 years ago, I am over my head, out of my league, gasping for air in uncharted waters…

OH sheeesh, Just Fuffy, get over yourself and get back to ground level. four weeks honey, you have only just begun. there will be high peaks and devasting lows and the writing will go on… 20 followers, each and every one respected and appreciated, but let’s be real… 20 followers, hardly a ‘top blogger’..! forget the drama and get on with the writing…


From → Writing

One Comment
  1. Your feelings….. Questioning yourself, are so
    honest and refreshing!

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